Dialogue doesn’t only impart information and move the plot along. It should also indicate the characters’ upbringing, social status or reflect their place in time.
“We have four girls come in the morning to clean and such and I have three helping at suppertime when the customers come in, but for breakfast and lunch it’s just me and that suits me just fine. I don’t like strangers around my kitchen. I’m funny that way, just like my mamma.”
“And mine, Of course, once she took sick she let me help out and taught me to cook.”
“Did she now?”
“When she knew that she was dying she made sure I could take care of my sisters.”
“What about your pa?”
“He took off when the youngest was born and.”
“What’s past is past, I say. No need to fret on might-have-beens. That’s what I tell Miss Addy. I tell her that a lot but sometimes I wonder if’n it ever sinks in. I swear, that woman is more thick- skulled that I don’t know what.”
from my Wip: House of Dellah
# # #
"I was right about you."
"What do you mean?"
"The moment I saw you on that stage at Brad’s party I knew you didn’t belong there, doing that sort of thing."
"Terry was supposed to dance that night. I thought I told you."
"You did, but I don’t quite understand why you even work at that establishment. You aren’t like those women at all."
"The work isn’t all that hard and the tips can be pretty good—"
"Why did you tell your friends that I was the headmistress of a nursery school?"
"You are."
"I run a day care center. I’m not a teacher or school administrator."
"Technically you are. You teach Alexandra all sorts of things and do those educational projects—"
"It’s not the same. You wanted them to think I was more than I am, didn’t you?"
"No."
"I’m proud of what I do at the center and I like my night job. Terry and Vince and the others are my friends. I’m not ashamed of them or of the fact that I don’t have the benefit of a Harvard degree."
"I’m going to have Phil turn back to Boston. I’ve lost my appetite."
"Me, too,"
# # #
While you can have some stretches of straight dialogue the most common way is to show your characters as they speak by inserting bits of action. Here’s the full version of the scene above.
Notice when we’re in Carol’s point of view we also get insight into what’s going on inside her head. We let the reader see how she’s interpreting R.J.’s words and more importantly how what he says makes her feel which in turn influences how she reacts.
He sat next to her, tracing the outline of her jaw with feathery brushes of his fingers. "I was right about you."
"What do you mean?" she asked, wondering if it was the brandy or his touch that warmed and relaxed her so swiftly. She set her own glass aside.
"The moment I saw you on that stage at Brad’s party I knew you didn’t belong there, doing that sort of thing."
That sort of thing.
The words grated her ears despite the agreeable tone of R.J.’s voice. "Terry was supposed to dance that night. I thought I told you."
"You did, but I don’t quite understand why you even work at that establishment. You aren’t like those women at all."
That place. Those women.
Telling herself that she was reading more into the words than was meant, Carol shrugged. "The work isn’t all that hard and the tips can be pretty good—"
She was silenced by the press of R.J.’s lips, but for some reason the kiss felt flat, and although her practical side told her to let it go, the distasteful edge with which R.J. spoke of her job and friends continued to bother her, even as he nuzzled her neck.
"Why did you tell your friends that I was the headmistress of a nursery school?"
"You are," he whispered, nipping at her ear.
She pulled away. "I run a day care center. I’m not a teacher or school administrator."
"Technically you are. You teach Alexandra all sorts of things and do those educational projects—"
"It’s not the same. You wanted them to think I was more than I am, didn’t you?"
"No," he asserted.
Carol saw the truth he tried to hide. She should have known tonight was too good to be true. She pulled away when he tried to embrace her and stared over at her empty glass. She looked back at him, her head held high, her back straight. "I’m proud of what I do at the center, and I like my night job. Terry and Vince and the others are my friends. I’m not ashamed of them or of the fact that I don’t have the benefit of a Harvard degree."
R.J. moved to the other side of the sofa and sipped his brandy. He certainly wasn’t going to apologize for his education or business acumen, or for trying to help her blend into his social circle. Perhaps it was for the best that she’d voiced these feelings, however inconvenient the timing.
At least he knew where things stood between them. Yes, this turn of events was quite fortunate for it had been pure folly to pursue her. Ignoring the odd sinking feeling deep within him, R.J. allowed his practical side to remind him that being “besotted” wasn’t like him at all and there was certainly no point in giving in to the baser instincts she roused in him. It wasn’t prudent to act on these physical feelings he had for Carol. If he did, it would undoubtedly upset the orderliness and control of his life. He stood. "I’m going to have Phil turn back to Boston. I’ve lost my appetite."
"Me, too."
from Angel City
